LIME » World

Source of Earthquakes Found

Rainer — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 00:52:00 +0000

(Tehran/Atlanta) Accordong to a leading Iranian hard-line cleric the source of the recent earthquakes has been found out and isolated to “Women who dress provocatively and tempt people into promiscuity [are to blame for earthquakes]“. The statement is proven true as recent earthquakes have struck especially promiscuous countries such as Haiti, Chile and China.

CNN continues to deliver more shocking news.

World News Still Draw General Public’s Attention

Rainer — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 02:11:40 +0000

(STETSON) According to the annual research by Harrison-Stetson Institute the General Public is still quite interested of international news and current affairs.
While the Finnish public was intrigued about the culture and rites of a long term French minority organization (Masonries Reveal Their Secrets in France), supporting the import of less less mainstream foreign artists (“Uncle-Brush” Having Tight Schedule in Finland) and analyzing the long term effects of global warming (Researchers’ Mistakes Have Increased the Climate Confusion), their counterparts in UK were reading about discriminatory airline policies and the effects of social media on them (Kevin Smith Thrown off Southwest Airlines Plane for Being “Too Big”), analyzing the global effects of climate change through political measures (Utah Delivers Vote of No Confidence for “Climate Alarmists”) and about the socio-phychologic effects of new social media fronts (Online Voyeurs Flock to the Random Thrills of Chatroulette).
“The reaction we got of the original survey we started few years back was so good, especially the interest on the methodology we were using, that we decided to expand it to cover multiple fronts. This time we analyzed the reading habits of UK and US population in addition to the Finnish ones and we found out the results are quite alike — people are interested of world news and politics. Especially about climate change”, Harrison Stetson, of the Harrison-Stetson Institute, explained. “Though the US counterparts were also quite interested of the domestic affairs”.
The General Public in US expressed interest on analyzing the effect of religious views of the constitution writers in relation to the modern legislation making process (How Christian Were the Founders?) and on the globe-economical effect of the European Monetary Union’s currency and it’s political effects (The Makings of a Euromess).

On the interview to CB General Public agreed on the in-depth analysis of Harrison-Stetson Institute, but also reminded that “The Olympics is on and you’re standing in front of the TV”, while quickly typing chatroulette’s address to google hoping that facebook would’ve fixed it’s login page this already. “Have you seen the latest photos of the 9-year old samba queen? She’s a bit of a crybaby but boy do I want to see her grow“, General Public concludes the analysis while wiping drool from lips.

In other news a school collapsed in Haiti killing several children and almost 20 people have been killed in a train crash outside Brussels.

Islamistic Terrorist Organizations Announce Gradual Disarmament

Rainer — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 12:29:21 +0000

(GENEVE / SECRET AFGHAN CAVE) Switzerland’s “minaret election” was only a month ago and already Islamistic terrorist organizations have announced their gradual disarmament and seizing activity on the international terrorism front. On the statement by the International Coalition of Islamist Terrorism, ICIT, relayed through al-Qaida’s PR network, was said that “armed resistance is futile against direct democracy and the spread of radical Islam has now become impossible“.
ICIT statement reminds Western countries that stopping all terrorist actions suddenly would hinder the local micro-economies relying on arms and drug trade and thus “a gradual disarmament is required, but all major terrorist attack plans have been frozen”. “A good example of the gradual withdrawal is the latest “attack” on December 25th: we imposed the threat, but no-one got hurt. This seems like a win-win situation for everyone”, al-Qaida spokesperson explains what the actually gradual disarmament means in practice.
Taleban has promised to co-operate unconditionally with the newly elected government and that they have started to forge their arms into ploughshares. Hamas and Fatah on their sides stated they will now start Middle-East peace talks “for real”. Around the world people have been picking flowers with their toes and have hugged each other.

Climate Summit Reaches Conclusion

Rainer — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 14:43:01 +0000

(Never-Never-Land) The international Whether-Weather climate talks in Copenhagen has finally reached a consensus. According to the latest results the summit was a success as none of the participants was actually satisfied with the results and everyone agreed that none of the expectations were met. According to General Consensus (Pangea) “some sort of memo that may, or may not include the agreed goals, would be drafted” based on the agreement.
“We all agreed that global warming is a bad thing and caused by our actions, though natural variation can’t be completely ruled out, and this time we really need to take actions against it, though not in a way that could hinder the national economies or that would give negative impact on economic stimulus packages that are currently, or possibly in the future, tackling the global recess… sorry, economic downturn” the general secretary of UN, Ba Ki-Moon explained the results, “All countries have agreed to really-really take part to fight agains global warming this time and reach the goals that few years back were considered catastrophic, though we have not agreed on any sanctions for countries that do not comply with the Copenhagen agreement”

Variable market news

Rainer — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 10:24:03 +0000

(GAIA): The world as we know is saved or doomed.
Monday started with careful market rise in Asian (~+10%) and European (~+5%) stock exchanges. According to analysts this means that the investors gained suitable trust for the markets and the World is saved now. According to other analysts the rise is based on empty illusion and they suspect the rise to fall and our World is doomed.