LIME » Journalism

Israel Attacks Gaza Aid Fleet

Rainer — Mon, 31 May 2010 13:37:46 +0000

More information from the Guardian and Al Jazeera

Shocking News: Heroin May Harm Your Health

Rainer — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 00:48:39 +0000

(PALPABLE) Due to the recent health contraints with heroin doctors are recommending, “for real this time”, drug users to stop heroin usage.
“I recommend all drug users to immediately stop using heroin and contact the health officials”, Scottish epidemologist Johnny McObvious stressed.
The Scottish health ministry is also warning that also other injected drugs may be harmful for the users’ health.

More accurate news from The Guardian.

Lucidity awards 2010 starting strongly

Rainer — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 14:16:26 +0000

(PLAIN SIGHT) Lucidity 2010 awards, competition for creating a statement either oblivous or with no informational value, has started strongly this year. So far we can mostly thank the Finnish editors for the strong start on their commentary of the New Year’s Eve’s shooting incident.
The current leader is “coldblooded murderer himself is responsible for his actions, and the issue should not be pointed to the ethnic group he represents” which has been written to almost every singe editorial . Runner-ups include “remember that Finnish people have also committed horrible bloodsheds” from Iltalehti, and “it is impossible to tighten security measurements in public places so much that no-one could not hurt anyone else” (Savon Sanomat) and “incidents like this can only be prevented by taking action before they happen” stated by the Interior Minister Anne Holmlund.

A honorary mention has been granted for US president Barak Obama for publicly connecting al-Qaeda to the Christmas Day’s bomb plot. “It appears that the [bombing suspect] joined an affiliate of al-Qaeda, and that this group — al-Qaeda in the Arabic Peninsula — trained him, equipped him with those explosives and directed him to attack that plane headed to America.“. The honorary mention was granted for publicly stating this week after al-Qaeda had announced they were behind the plot. The interviewed al-Qaeda PR spokesperson, who wished to stay anonymous, stated that the current mood in the PR department is “quite down and people feel their communication efforts are not appreciated“.

Finnishmen arrested for attempt to smuggle 22 320 eggs to Norway

Rainer — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 15:32:04 +0000

(NUORGAM) Two Finnish men were caught by the Norwegian customs officials when they were trying to smuggle 22 320 eggs into Norway.
The customs found the hidden eggs on a routine checkup. The Finns told they were heading to Oslo where they were supposed to sell the eggs with a profit.
The customs officials confiscated the cargo and the Finnish men are suspected of illegal import.

International news draw average reader’s attention

Rainer — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:15:47 +0000

According to the latest research of Harrison-Stetson institute Average Reader is interested of international news and concerned of the state of the world.
Harrison-Stetson institute made the research by monitoring reading results of the Finland’s biggest newspaper, Helsingin Sanomat.
“It seems that the readers are interested of international news. The top article on the most read news is about less known South-American country Paraguay and it’s population, “Pretty Paraguay’s javelin thrower gathers attention”, second regards to difficult ethical decisions in US, “Both of Chistina Applegate’s breasts were removed” and the Domestic news are taking the third place and is about an important statistical research, “Finnish have sex less than before” Harrison Stetson summarised the research “Clearly we can draw a conclusion that the Finnish population and Average Reader seem to be strongly fascinated of the international news and know what matters”.

On other news 148 was reported dead on a plane crash in Madrid.
Corner Blog tried to contact Average Reader for comments regarding the level of interest of a plane crash but he was too busy of reading about “Bono listening to music too loud” and “Argentinean hero is Maradona’s son-in-law and the father of Maradona’s grandchild” to answer

“Cancer has not returned”, close sources claim

Rainer — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 09:04:29 +0000

~~Fidel Castro~~ Steve Jobs is still live and well according to source close to the ~~Cuba~~ Apple and well informed on the concerns of ~~Cuban government~~ Apple Senior management. According to the source, who wishes to stay anonymous, the ~~Fidel’s~~ Steve’s cancer has not returned.

The concerns around his health are circling on two key factors: his weary appearance when he is seen in public and published reports from ~~2006~~ 2003 that he had pancreatic cancer when he didn’t report his condition to the ~~citizens~~ investors for ~~six~~ nine months.

~~Cuba~~ Apple has for the most part remained silent regarding the health of it’s leader. When questions were raised about his absence from the ~~50th anniversary of the Granma boat~~ last night’s earnings call the ~~Cuban officials~~ Apple spokesperson dispelled them stating that “Idle, speculative and uninformed talk is feeding fear, uncertainty and doubt, that is not worth serious consideration”

UPDATE: ~~Fidel Castro~~ Steve Jobs is reassuring some of his closest associates that rumors of his health are greatly exaggerated, but is telling those same people that he recently underwent a procedure related to his weight loss, the New York Times is reporting.

Related news in corner blog: August 18th 2006, Apple says Steve is in good healt

Chinese army equips Segways

Rainer — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 08:10:44 +0000

(Jinan, China) The People’s Army has equipped Segways for their “Anti-Terrorist Rapid Deployment Force”. During their intensive training the RDF went by name “Judean People’s Front”, name taken from well known and honoured group lead by Mr. Eric “Otto” Idle in the late 70s.
According to Hui Lai Lee,the spokesman of the People’s Army, their target is to catch the terrorists by surprise. “No one in their right mind would expect rapid deployment group to use Segways — one gets around faster and in better cover by foot”, Mr. Lee explained. “It’s the element of surprise and disbelief we’re aiming for. When you see a group like this approaching you the first idea in your mind is not ”shoot!” but ”what?!”. I mean look at them; they don’t even have real sized guns. Our enemies won’t expect a thing”.
When asked if broadcasting the new RDF strategy in widespread international news like AFP, Al Jazeera and CornerBlog will taint the “element of surprise” as even the terrorist read news Mr. Lee pushes away stating that “They still won’t believe it’s true. It’s the disbelief built into all of us that will take over in the event of their attack“.

Biased broadcasting

Rainer — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 08:18:32 +0000

Source: Yahoo and AFP, August 14th

Can someone say what’s wrong with this picture? The text says “An elderly Iraqi woman shows two bullets which she says hit her house following and early coalition forces raid in the predominantly Shiite Baghdad suburb of Sadr City. (AFP/Wissam al-Okaili)”
I wouldn’t like to correct the Associated French Press, but these bullets did not hit her house – unless someone threw, lobbed, otherwise hurled or dropped them at her house. Apparently the coalition troops have changed their strategy and replaced their M16s with slingshots to avoid casualties.
And is she the same crying woman who was used on the Lebanon war photos?

“Fuck the average reader”

Rainer — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 14:01:27 +0000

David Simon interviewed by Nick Hornby himself.

The most important message of the interview follows:

“My standard for verisimilitude is simple and I came to it when I started to write prose narrative: fuck the average reader. I was always told to write for the average reader in my newspaper life. The average reader, as they meant it, was some suburban white subscriber with two-point-whatever kids and three-point-whatever cars and a dog and a cat and lawn furniture. He knows nothing and he needs everything explained to him right away, so that exposition becomes this incredible, story-killing burden. Fuck him. Fuck him to hell.”
Recognizing and striving this is one of the most important things one who is (or wishes to be) a journalist can do. There is no “average reader” s/he/it is an “invention” of statistics – a ghost I might say. Ass licking him/her only leads to mediocrity, shallowness, boring and analytically insufficient content.