LIME Archives: Satire
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16 February 2010
World News Still Draw General Public’s Attention
(STETSON) According to the annual research by Harrison-Stetson Institute the General Public is still quite interested of international news and current affairs.
While the Finnish public was intrigued about the culture and rites of a long term French minority organization (Masonries Reveal Their Secrets in France), supporting the import of less less mainstream foreign artists (“Uncle-Brush” [...]
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14 February 2010
Local Man Surprised of Valentines Failure
(ANYWHERE) Local Man’s Valentine’s Day surprise turned out to be a surprise for him when it didn’t get the reception he was expecting. “I had prepared the surprise carefully and took care she wouldn’t find out anything before the V-day. Just dropping hints that I had something planned”, Local Man explains, “We spent several evenings [...]
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8 February 2010
Desperately Seeking Duvalier
(PORT-AU-PRINCE) Upon the recent tragedy in Haiti, the Haiti Reconstruction Coalition, formed as an international venture lead by EU Foreign Affairs and USAID, has started to look for a suitable person to oversee the reconstruction of Haiti. Once again the international attention has concentrated once again to a familiar name in the history of Haiti [...]
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5 February 2010
Corporation™ Runs for Congress
(WASHINGTON) Following the recent US Supreme Court desicion of implicitly giving corporations the status of a legal person through granting them the right freedom of speech, aka First Amendment, by determining political funding being “kind of expressing ones freedom of speech“, as was concluded on the ruling, Corporation™ announced that “to further express it’s freedom [...]
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24 January 2010
Shocking News: Heroin May Harm Your Health
(PALPABLE) Due to the recent health contraints with heroin doctors are recommending, “for real this time”, drug users to stop heroin usage.
“I recommend all drug users to immediately stop using heroin and contact the health officials”, Scottish epidemologist Johnny McObvious stressed.
The Scottish health ministry is also warning that also other injected drugs may be harmful for [...]
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2 January 2010
Lucidity awards 2010 starting strongly
(PLAIN SIGHT) Lucidity 2010 awards, competition for creating a statement either oblivous or with no informational value, has started strongly this year. So far we can mostly thank the Finnish editors for the strong start on their commentary of the New Year’s Eve’s shooting incident.
The current leader is “coldblooded murderer himself is responsible for his [...]
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31 December 2009
Head Start with Fireworks in Espoo
(SELLO/ESPOO) New Year’s fireworks started early this year in Espoo. According to the local police officials a Middle-aged Man decided to start celebrating New Year several hours in advance in shopping center Sello, even though police announced earlier today that anyone violating the new firework regulations would get fined. “The target is to protect the [...]
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29 December 2009
Islamistic Terrorist Organizations Announce Gradual Disarmament
(GENEVE / SECRET AFGHAN CAVE) Switzerland’s “minaret election” was only a month ago and already Islamistic terrorist organizations have announced their gradual disarmament and seizing activity on the international terrorism front. On the statement by the International Coalition of Islamist Terrorism, ICIT, relayed through al-Qaida’s PR network, was said that “armed resistance is futile against [...]
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24 December 2009
Christmas is Cancelled Until Further Notice
(Korvatunturi)The weak economic downturn isn’t affecting just employers and employees of housing and banking companies. Also traditional businesses are reporting bad news. The latest addition to closures was Father Christmas (XMAS), aka SantaClaus, who sent an application for bankruptcy earlier today, just on the eve of Christmas. According to the papers filed “Santa” has outstanding taxes [...]
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19 December 2009
Climate Summit Reaches Conclusion
(Never-Never-Land) The international Whether-Weather climate talks in Copenhagen has finally reached a consensus. According to the latest results the summit was a success as none of the participants was actually satisfied with the results and everyone agreed that none of the expectations were met. According to General Consensus (Pangea) “some sort of memo that may, [...]